As I drove home from the abysmal city of Kamloops, I encountered every single type of winter driver during my six hour journey. The roads were snowy, slushy and icy, but that does NOT mean that it is appropriate to turn off your brain and drive like a lunatic. First for the happy bit:
While driving you often find yourself a group member of a driving party: a little group of cars that become your highway kin.
- You drive together at an appropriate speed about 20km above the limit. You all think "I can't get pulled over because the other 3 cars in my highway family are going just as fast".
- You all pass together: "Oh, okay blue car in front of me has put on his signal. Shit, he's passing.. I better pass too.. I don't want to lose him and be stuck behind this old grandma."
- And last, you bode them farewell when they turn off to their destination, you probably won't wave goodbye, but in your head you might think "Goodbye red truck, it was nice travelling with you. Tell your mom I say hello."
I thought it would be appropriate to make a little list of typical drivers that make me angry:
The Grandma and Grandpa
They are commonly driving a Buick or similar slow going auto with those weird beaded seat covers and sheep skin steering wheel cover. I am sorry that you have aged, I love my grand parents very much, but HOLY SHIT, if you can't see the road, take the bus. I swear to god, I'd be driving faster as a senior to preserve the few years I had left.
Slow guy in the Fast Lane
Seriously? When it says "slower trafic keep right" that means keep the fuck right. If you ever look in your rear view mirror and look at me, I am not singing, I am yelling at your for being such an inconsiderate douche. Now I ask myself: Why would you be in the fast lane going slow?
a. You're a big douchey bag of douche.
b. Your steering wheel is locked in the straight position so you can't move the fuck over.
c. You need to make a left turn in about 400 kilometers.
d. You think that this sign does not apply to you for some reason.
While driving you often find yourself a group member of a driving party: a little group of cars that become your highway kin.
- You drive together at an appropriate speed about 20km above the limit. You all think "I can't get pulled over because the other 3 cars in my highway family are going just as fast".
- You all pass together: "Oh, okay blue car in front of me has put on his signal. Shit, he's passing.. I better pass too.. I don't want to lose him and be stuck behind this old grandma."
- And last, you bode them farewell when they turn off to their destination, you probably won't wave goodbye, but in your head you might think "Goodbye red truck, it was nice travelling with you. Tell your mom I say hello."
I thought it would be appropriate to make a little list of typical drivers that make me angry:
The Grandma and Grandpa
They are commonly driving a Buick or similar slow going auto with those weird beaded seat covers and sheep skin steering wheel cover. I am sorry that you have aged, I love my grand parents very much, but HOLY SHIT, if you can't see the road, take the bus. I swear to god, I'd be driving faster as a senior to preserve the few years I had left.
Slow guy in the Fast Lane
Seriously? When it says "slower trafic keep right" that means keep the fuck right. If you ever look in your rear view mirror and look at me, I am not singing, I am yelling at your for being such an inconsiderate douche. Now I ask myself: Why would you be in the fast lane going slow?
a. You're a big douchey bag of douche.
b. Your steering wheel is locked in the straight position so you can't move the fuck over.
c. You need to make a left turn in about 400 kilometers.
d. You think that this sign does not apply to you for some reason.
.. regardless, fuck you. I hate you and I don't even know you. I hope you go home and experience violent explosive diarrhea for inconveniencing me. i can say with certainty, I will never be going slow in the fast lane.
Slow guy in the slow lane that speeds up when you pass
Wtf dick, I'm passing you because you because you're spraying rocks at my face. This isn't mario kart, but I'll fling shit out my window until you let me pass.
Semi passing a semi up a STEEP hill
If you'e ever seen turtles race..
Asian Ski mom with places to go
Listen woman, stop weaving behind me like a fucking fire hose. I can't concentrate when you're causing a scene in my rear view mirror. I don't care if your Toyota van has 60 Horse power and automatic side opening doors, and I also don't care if your genius child has to pee. Drive normal.
The Drunk Snow-Plow Driver
See this is where I may have been mistaken, but apparently sobriety is not a requirement whilst manning a huge piece of steel with a sharp weapon on front, carrying pounds of boulders. (Not sand, boulders because everyone likes a good ol' boulder smashed into their windshield. Then chances are, when it hits your windshield you do that awkward seizure-like flinch, then play it off like it never happened? Yeah you know what I'm talking about) I'm not certain how effective plowing the shoulder, the center line, the shoulder, the center line is.. the actual road never actually gets plowed, and that is plain bull shit. The weaving drunkenness at 11am is kind of noticeable. I particularly love when sparks are flying at my car because the snowplower decides to plow bare sections of road..
The "N' (New driver for anyone not from BC) driver who thinks icy roads are a playground
You're an idiot. I hope a wild mountain sheep charges your car and deforms your face a little. Lets not drive a bazillion miles over the limit when the rest of the highway is crawling along to avoid death.
When people in a BMW, Lexus, Audi etc. drive slowly on bare roads
If you have a fancy sports car, please drive at least the speed limit.
Anyways, I just love driving and I love winter driving. Makes me feel so great inside, not the least bit annoyed.
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