The only reason they charge so much for a 1-bedroom apartment is because the landlords think you're going to be running an orgy in there. I don't want a roommate; roommates are a disaster (in most cases). Here are a list of the things I need:
- A clean shower, or if there is hair clogging the drain like a large rodent, that is MY HAIR, and I feel comfortable enough using my hands to remove it.
- When I have to use a spatula to eat my spaghetti, it's because I'm the one who didn't wash the forks.
- When I go to the fridge to pour a cold glass of water from my Brita and it is dry as bone, it's my fault and I have no one to blame.
- My non-stick pans to remain non-stick, because some asshole of a roommate hasn't scratched metal forks on them
I keep asking my Calgary friends just where I should be living:
- Hailee: "DO NOT LIVE IN FOREST LAWN"
- Olivia: "Come sleep over in my spare-room king sized bed!!"
- Caitlyn says she is living in the middle of nowhere (NW) beside a house full of tiny children that like to climb into the windows of her basement. She also runs into sketchy characters on a daily basis. Perchance I dost not want to live there.
I've been pouring over my budget for the next year. Yes of course, living with roommates would be a great plan, but tell me, who is this "Mid 20's professional seeking female roommate to share 2-bedroom apartment"? Or "Two sporty girls seek third female to share house" .. Jesus Christ. Sporty on Urban dictionary returns quite an array of results.
Whilst perusing the Kijiji listings, I have been combing through listings like nobody's business. What surprises me the most, are the listing titles. Landlords, sorry to throw it out there but your shitty descriptions are losing you renters.
Character Home: this home is haunted. The closets reek of mothballs. The water pressure is a trickle on the best of days. It was built before insulation was added into the building code, hence why there is a pile of wool sweaters that come "included with the price of rent" for some odd reason.
Close to EVERYTHING: yeah, close to everything meaning drug dealers and tattoo shops. "Heroin, come get your cheap heroin"
Parking offered for an extra charge: wait, you're charging me $1300/month and also want another $100 to park my car on the crime riddled inner city streets? Last time I parked on an inner city street I had my tires stolen off off my car.. literally stolen.
Dishwasher Included: Read the fine print; landlords will often be offering the services of a 7 year-old hispanic child to wash your dinner dishes 5x per week.
Basement Flat: This isn't the UK, but thanks for coming out.
Bright and Sunny Basement Suite: Do not lie to me. Basement suites are not bright and sunny. They are infested with spiders and damp cold of a burial site.
Snazzy Suite: Okay, if this isn't a red flag, then I don't know what is. Do not refer to your rental space as "snazzy". Once again, I will refer to urban dictionary to express my distaste. Unless you want to be moving into a bland pant suit wearing landlord's home, where no dancing, laughing, discussing abortion, pre-marital sex, gayness or atheism will be tolerated, then avoid this property at all costs.