I hid inside the depths of my warm, safe house for 23 of those 24 hours. Mother bear decided it would be good for me to get out and go to the local craft fair at the community hall. Me, being naive, forgot that combining craft fairs and community halls is a BAD combination, dangerous at best.
We met the first person I knew about 5 minutes in the walk, a previous teacher and his child (who is in my mother's grade one class). Little did I know, that this occurrence was just the beginning of "A half an hour in hell"
Upon walking in those creaky old community hall doors, laden with the germs of town folk and their children, I felt as though I was walking into a vacuum hose of uncomfortability.
Surveying the situation caused me to start perspiring, or it may have been that I was wearing my winter jacket and mittens, either way I was sweating and in front of me stood rows upon rows people I KNEW!
I walked with my head down, breathing heavily the way a fat kid does after he gets up to grab the chip bowl and sit back down in front of the TV. First I avoided eye contact with mothers of at least 10 kids from my grad class, a woman who was a previous co-worker, my old librarian, a co-workers mother, my mom's best friend, my mom's best friend's husband, a teacher from my mom's school, my health therapist from this summer. I did a twirly hug with ONE person I actually wanted to see, but she also asked the questions below.
These were the reoccurring questions which I received:
Q: Did you drop out of school?
A: No, I'm on holidays early this year..
Q: Is that thing on your forehead a pimple or a tattoo..?
A: It's a pimple, but thanks for fucking pointing it out.
Q: How do you like.. um... where are you going to school if you didn't quit?
A: Kamloops, and yeah it's alright.
Q: Wow, the hair on the side of your head is short..
A: Yeah that is how it would appear..?
After escaping that situation, I flew out the doors and never looked back. My mom and I discussed how I was probably going to have to get a T-Shirt crafted stating:
"No I didn't drop out. I'm on HOLIDAYS"
I also yelled "I should just tell everyone I DROPPED OUT".. conveniently as a high-school teacher's wife walked by. Now, judging by the way word travels, everyone will be talking tomorrow..
"Oh did you know that Lauren dropped out?"
"Yeah I heard she dropped out and she has an incurable case of gonorrhea" (My dad just gave me the spelling of that)
Really, I heard she's got gonorrhea and she's pregnant with twins"
I'm going to start printing off a flyer, so every time I meet someone I haven't seen in a while, I will hand it over to them, avoiding the awkward conversations. Perhaps this approach would deter the awkwardness???