Below is a little excerpt from the poster I made:
Relationships: I plan to be dating a nice boy who I will be marrying soon, possibly when I have graduated vet school. We will live in a cute apartment and will probably spend Sunday mornings chatting about current events and bickering regarding crossword clues.
Education: I will be working my way towards vet school with a 4.0 GPA and I will also be volunteering my time at the local SPCA, while spending my evenings fending for street children who are viscously attacked by hobos and their rabid dogs.
Achievements: By this point in my life I will have travelled to numerous foreign countries, almost too many to count, to build tree schools, where children are able to learn language while keeping safe from the militia, hiding quietly above the ground in their treeschools.
1.5. Puberty is a big old douche canoe. There is nothing predictable about it, nor does anything good come from it. See, at the age of 21 I could have predicted from the information I was given, that my face would NOT be breaking out like a pubescent 14 year old boy, but no, I was wrong.
This is not an exaggeration: I went to get a massage and the therapist asked me if I had been hit on the head. "No," I replied, "That's just my face going through a 5 year puberty but thanks for making me feel like a loser."
I was also under the impression that when puberty was finished, I would have regular sized boobs, and in that light, I was also wrong. See when mom's tell their daughters that growing up is a beautiful thing, that is a big bag of lies. Growing up is shit, I can't even think about how much better it was to be 8 years old, running around and playing in the mud.
2. Make up and bras become less of a necessity after you have left high school. With no one to impress, make up strikes for months and bra strikes are also very acceptable. You look around, seeing your friends wasting away at the elderly age of 20, and decide to join the club. If no one else is wearing make up and bras, why should you?
3. When you partied and got out of control at age 16, they said you were "wild". When you party and get out of control after high school they say you are "a raging irresponsible alcoholic who needs to learn restraint." It's when playing your music too loud in your car makes you look like a wannabe teen but you still get the evil eye when you try to enter a drinking establishment. Seriously, there is no winning here.
4. Dating someone younger than you is somehow a BIG deal, but then again dating someone older than you is also a huge deal. I do not see how this works..
5. When no matter how much education or experience you have had in your life, elders treat you as though you have been alive for 30 seconds. Elders such as older siblings.
6. (On older siblings) Your older siblings will have the upper hand on you. They will marry someone smarter, more good looking, someone with financial security and a witty sense of humor. They will land a kick ass job and woo your family like a shmoozer making a bad ass deal on an Italian Mafia movie. They'll have the adorable kids first, buy a "family car" that happens to be a BMW and end up supporting your broke, drunk ass by allowing you to take up residence in one of their four roomy spare bedrooms.
Everything costs money.
- Car insurance: If you are under 25, you must pay a premium because all people under 25 crash cars, drink and drive, snort cocaine and drive 80Km over the limit.
- Health insurance: That said day when your parents coverage runs out and your must decide whether you will live with cavities in your teeth and that terrible itch in your pants, or if you will man up and buy your own coverage.
- Money for the laundry machines..
When you may (accidentally or completely intentionally) do something irrational or completely fucking stupid, you don't get a second chance and there sure as shit isn't someone to fix the disaster you have caused. It's when you can't mope for days because of a broken heart, and hide your pain by wearing 2 cm thick eyeliner, because those things aren't socially acceptable. You don't get to buy a baby shark or a tiny kitten cheetah to fill the void in your life. You can't duct tape the door back on your car or un-burn the dryer you forgot to clean the lint trap in. You can't do a "let's pretend that never happened" when you drunkenly tell a cop to you only had 10 half drinks and your car beckoned you to take it home to it's bed at home.
Yeah, it's when we get to take responsibility for our actions, for real.
Growing up kinda sucks a bit.